


backwash of rubble

by freshpyrope



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), mcyt
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, No Romance, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, Trauma, basically after math of the festival, tubbo needs some time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27300883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freshpyrope/pseuds/freshpyrope
Summary: Aftermath of the festival, recovery.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 42





	backwash of rubble

**Author's Note:**

> have at the with some angst+comfort.

There was a moment of relief before colors flew, before something happened to fail his surroundings. Tubbo would desperately feel around his walls, the box that enclosed him and kept him inside of his skin. The eyes of the people, the eyes of his best friend, and the eyes of his president. His eyes watched carefully, he stared holes into the face of Tommy Innits, shaking has his hands tried to grasp the bars in front of him. He could feel the fear and second hand embarrassment reeking from everyone, the yellows, the blues, the pinks. He could feel them all til he would be staring Technoblade in the eyes.

“I- I’m sorry, Tubbo..” Techno said, stammering as his hands fidgeted with the loaded cross bow. It held a few pieces of tnt, fire works that had been yet to set off on such a joyous occasion. It’s aim leaned towards Tubbos lower stomach, which he clutched in the few seconds he had left. He could feel the walls around him collapse, they stayed there but truly the weight of them was dismantling him by the seconds. The words, the eyes, the people, the pig. He wasn’t sure what to hold, his eyes, his stomach, or the walls collapsing him. He couldn’t try to keep them all up, but when he found himself trying too, they give in quicker like sand falling through his hands. “Tommy?” He meekly asked, over and over in his head. As if he was arguing with someone but the heat rising to his face suffocating him with falling walls, with what felt like fell was going to acid against him, he whispered to Wilbur in one last act of self composure. When he read what Wilbur, had quickly wrote back, he stared the fire works dead in its center, before his eyes looking to Tommys one last time. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

A cracking boomed through his pulsing ears, the warmth in his body burned like lava has he felt it dig itself inside of him and then the burning spread through his entire body, til what felt like the acid in his stomach was replaced with something worse. The reds, the blues, and the black filled his vision. He couldn’t hear, or see anything but he felt the vibrations below his body and he could feel the vibrations of screaming. Somebody was in front of him, but he couldn’t quite tell. The reds, the blues, and the black sky burned the last remaining adrenaline that built up in his body to try to hold himself together any longer. 

But then he began to hear something, when everything was gone it was replaced with the sound of a beating heart. His heart. His heart was beating quickly, his brain recollected each of these scenes, everything that happened so quickly again and again, as if it was some kind show on fast forward. He tried to rewind, process what he was seeing but the blood, and the faces of everyone engraved itself quickly in his head so fast he couldn’t pace it to stop.

By the time he could almost feel all of the things, at the time, he thought he’d just felt, he tried to move and scream and cry out for anyone in this black darkness. Hearing his breaths, and muffled noise and beating heart, all protest so weakly, something cleared and the cascade of torture caused by the claustrophobic inky darkness began to fade. And with that, whatever just happened faded a little too, but not really. It stopped feeling inside of him, rather it began to feel around him.

His hands outstretched first, and it lurched pain through the sides of his ribs, and he screamed more, his voice cracking and barely managing to be loud enough to be heard. He couldn’t open his eyes, it felt as if they were numbed, but he could still feel the pain pulsing through them. A hand reached out, urgent and began rubbing the grasping arms in the air, placing it by his sides, where they brushed up against the feeling of bandaging. “Tubbo! Tubbo, calm down, it’s okay now, shhh...” A familiar, female voice spoke, shushing him and pulling her fingers through his hair patiently. “It’s okay now.. you are okay, Tubbo..” She whispered, repeating the lines a few more times as Tubbo still gasped in the air dangerously, hyperventilating in a ruined voice. 

His body felt on fire and he could feel the cracking, and shaking and the sparks inside of him stomach. He thought he could have been throwing up but he felt a cold hand push through his hair again, and his breathing slowed down, snot drooling down his nose and a tingling through his entire body. “H-hello???” he asked, a small weak concern fell from the word. He was met with more shushing, and more light affection. “It’s just Nikki.. you’re okay.” She reassured again, Tubbo almost started crying by hearing the answer. His arms diet weak, but he reached up and touched Nikkis hands that were trying to subside the pain it just enhanced so much worse.

Nikki began helping him down again, if he kept working himself up he’ll get sick and damage the open wounds again. He wasn’t screaming anymore, but hushed sobs pushed through his gritting teeth while uncontrollable tears pushed from his eyes. He tried to pry them open, but he couldn’t and the soreness just made it so much more harder too. Nikki sat crossed leg in his bed, and was comforting him in any way she could with out furthering the pain. 

She felt remorse for the poor boy, he had on and off fits but she thinks this is the first one he’s conscious in. It’d been a few days, Tommy was extremely worried but couldn’t stay by his side all the time like Nikki had been trying too. She thinks there breaking through something, and that there’s a chance that his pain isn’t to far gone. She leaned closer to him, and whispered softly to make sure not to be to loud but enough to be heard, “Tubbo, can you hear me?” Her lip quivered, she felt pained by her own words but she kept pushing through her tears and the fact her face began heating up at it. She felt ill, and tired and confused. But she couldn’t imagine how Tubbo must feel right now. “Tubbo?..” She asked again, a little louder.

He shifted through quiet sobbing, and reached up his hand again towards the sound of her voice, she began pushing it back down with her own in response. “N- Nikki?” She gritted her teeth, nodding. “Yes Tubbo...! This is Nikki!” She whispered back, pushing the hair out of his face. His body was covered in sweat, she wouldn’t be surprised he was ill or had a fever running at the time. He began weeping again, she could tell this would take a long process. His wounds were still sensitive, and his body must’ve been extremely sore, he needed some sort of numbing to be able to get words through now that he’s finally conscious. She rubbed his forward with her thumb one last time, pushing sweat out of his eyes and stood up from the bed.

“Tubbo, I’ll be right back.. I promise. Just stay here.”

She spoke quietly next to him, he tried to shake his head in protest. God no. He needed her. He needed anybody. He wanted to get up and rip the bandages off his stomach, punch the walls, do anything literally anything to be able to move and let out all of this pain in his body. His lip curled down, but she was already out the door before he could communicate to her. He gasped the air again, trying to make some sort of noise, his throat hurt so much, and his finger tips began feeling fuzzy again. As did his body, the swelling of sparks began to tingle through his unable to move body. He felt so helpless, so meaningless. 

He was trapped again. He was trapped inside of a body that couldn’t express the pain he felt because the pain was that fucking bad, he gasped for air more and the tears started to fall again. He was reaching his sore arms in the air again, grabbing nothing but begging something could’ve been there. He needed literally anything to feel there for a minute, but it just got worse as the aching in his sides throbbed by the movement. He retracted back but fought back with his body, maybe even trying to sit up again. He wanted Nikki back, he needed literally anyone so much for something to make sense. To hold his hand, and take the burning sensations away.

Though, when Nikki passed from the door she was left into a stone hallway with bits and pieces of cobble, she was sprinting while feeling her hand against the wall and letting it scrape against her open palm. She knew nobody was home at the moment besides Wilbur but. She couldn’t speak to him even if she wanted too. Which, She didn’t. She took the stair case up and was led into the main caverns of Pogtopia where there horses were held in the stone pins, and a few lights hung from their ceilings. She was still getting used to all of this. She’d adjusted that it wasn’t to dissimilar to her prison cell back in L’manburg, but it was open and she could find herself getting lost in its corridors. When she reached the stair ways up to the little hole that was the top of Pogtopia, she felt the stone up the spiral stair case transition to grass underneath her feet. It was refreshing, It’d been a few days sense she saw the suns light reflecting onto the forest around her. She missed it, but now wasn’t the time to reminisce on such things, Tubbo needed her. 

She searched around the forest, taking a pocket knife from the pocket in her overall pocket, and got down on one knee in front of a tree. She spent a few minutes peeling of non poisonous mushrooms from the bark, and she began placing them in her other lower pocket. Before she stood back up, she heard a horse galloping behind her, immediately alarming her.

“Who is there??” She asked quickly, jumping to her feet while one hand was pointing the knife out, other placed over the pocket overflowing with small mushrooms. When her vision could make out who was on the horse, it was Quackity. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she began approaching, and closing the knife back in her pocket. “I thought you still needed to be back there?” She asked bitterly, she wasn’t to kind to Quackity. Especially because of his silence in the face of abuse of power, she twitched her fingers still holding the knife in her pocket. She wouldn’t hurt him, but she was certain she was never going to trust him. Quackity stopped the horse, steadying the animal in place. He scratched the back of his neck, “Just making a short trip, Shlatts not around... probably busy, I dunno.” He said, a little apprehensive. Nikki didn’t care to respond to most of that. She hopped on top of his horse, still clutching her pocket carefully. “Quackity, I need your help.” She said sternly, and he looked behind him confused. “Huh? With that?” He asked, and she kept her gaze forward. “I’ll tell you when we reach Pogtopia, just head forward, alright?” She calmly commanded. 

Quackity just simply nodded, and began moving the horse forward, it sprinting quickly. He was fast, and Nikk found herself clutching a bit to stay on and keep the mushrooms safe. She’d been gone for thirty minutes, and she quickly felt irresponsible but she knew that at least now she would be there soon. Quackity broke the silence, he was a bit scared to say anything but as he stopped the horse in front of the entrance of Pogtopia, he wrapped the lead onto a fence, and then stared over to Nikki who already was opening the door. He was suspicious why she was still clutching her pocket.

“So, what’s the deal???” He asked following behind her, rushing down the stairs. His sneakers squeaked below him, while he tried to keep up. She raised her right hand, quietly gesturing as she was turning down the stairs into the caverns raven. She stopped in front of the open walls of furnaces in the crafting table next to her. “Tubbo is very ill, so I’m making him mushroom stew, alright?” She spoke softly, Quackity couldn’t tell if she was on the verge of tears or whether she was just tired by the lower tones of her voice. He stopped again a the stone wall, leaning his foot against it and his head was back. “Do you need me to go in there..? Or something?” he asked, awfully quiet, she shook her head absent minded. Though for a second she considered it, but disagreed with it. “No, I don’t think he fines much comfort in you, Quackity.” She said pulling out a bowl from her inventory. Quackity felt a ping of guilt, he stared at his shoes, a but embarrassed. Of course he wouldn’t want to talk to him, none the less he in the same room as him he literally helped in his execution. Quackity sighed, nodding. He payed no mind to away any other thoughts reminding himself again of the festival. 

“Then what’s up?” Nikki put a recipe in his hand, sat the mushrooms on the table next to the crafting table and a wooden bowl placed there. “You’ll need to boil some water, but I need you to make him soup, okay??” She calmly asked again, but it felt like he didn’t have much of a say in it. He wasn’t the best cook, but he sighed again, and agreed. “Yeah, yeah I gotcha... I don’t think I’ve ever made soup before.” He shoved his hands in his pocket and walked towards the table, examining the contents of the rest he needed for the soup. Most likely in the chest, they were basic items. Nikki nodded, “It’s not to hard, I promise.” Quackity chucked, rolling his eyes even though she obviously wasn’t joking. By then, she was already gone, and Quackity was left alone with some random recipe.

Tubbo found himself again and again between fits of distress, and unconscious rambling of noises. He just kept moving, kept passing out and then waking up again in a few seconds just trying to feel anything other then the constant discomfort. He shifted, kicking his legs when he realized they weren’t damaged much at all other then just being tired, he kicked them around, shoving the covers off him a bit. He instantly regretted that, and he hissed in the amount of cold hair that was hitting his sides, his arms, his stomach. 

He was only wearing shorts that went down to his knees. The bandages covered much to anything else it could though besides that. The cold air hit his skin, and he tried to nudge the comforter back up but it just started hurting, as if the cold was giving him pins and needles. He continued whining and shaking for a few more minutes as if he was helpless. Because he was, and he hated that. When he heard the door open, not even opening up his swollen eyes, he immediately knew it had to have been Nikki, right?? “N-Nikki!” He yelled, his voice cracked a bit, and Nikki quickly shushed him, grabbing the comforter and helping it over him. “Tubbo, I’m so sorry for being gone for so long, I- ran into Quackity and he’s helping us now too..” She said, pushing the hair out of his eyes. The name felt a bit of a punch in the gut, but he nodded. “O- oh okay.” he said quietly, resting his head back in the pillow. “Would you like some water, Tubbo?” She said patiently. e grumbled in response, nodding in response. “I should’ve asked earlier but I wasn’t sure if you could understand me. I'll get Quackity." Tubbo just mumbled in response, shifting his head against the pillow. He groaned. He was so tired but he can't keep falling asleep, Nikki's comfort finally helped subside some of his pain, that or the beating that throbbed throughout his body. He heard Nikki yelling down the hall outside the room, but it felt muffled as he turned his head toward the sound.

Nikki yelled for Quackity who was outside the hallway in furnace room. Quackity dropped the items as he pulled from the chest, according to the list Nikki has given him onto the table when he heard her. He sprinted towards the hall and swung around the edge of it. "Yeaaah?" He asked curiously, and she yelled back, "Can you get a bottle of water from the chests??" She asked, she wasn't very patient but her tone made it seem like she actually was. Quackity nodded and sprinted back to grab it. Nikki came back into the room with Tubbo and sat on the side of the bed again,

"How are you feeling?" Tubbo grumbled. His mouth tasted gross and dry, and he can only imagine his breath wasn't any better. He responded with another question, half-ignoring Nikki. "Is he getting the water?" He asked, brushing his fingers against his still tender throat. It was scratchy, he sounded like he'd just screamed for powers in a metal band. Which, would just sound awful he wasn't meant for any of that kind of stuff. "Of course, so will the soup he's making!" Tubbo snickered a bit into his hand, smiling tiredly. "Him? Cooking???" Tubbo muttered, putting slight emphasis on the 'cooking' bit. She nodded, both of them laughing lowly. "I had to run out and grab some mushrooms I didn't even know he was coming from Lmanburg back here!" She still seemed surprised by it in her tone of voice, but the mention of 'lmanburg' caused Tubbo to zone out for a moment, he turned away from where he could hear Nikki still talking about something. But his mind wondered to Tommy.

Where was he? Was he okay? Does Tommy know he's awake? Tubbo asked a few questions to himself, feeling a ping of guilt and pain for his friend, Tommy. He wished he could see him, and hear his voice and make jokes with him again. But, he knew Tommy was a busy man, and Tubbo almost felt like he deserved to be left behind by Tommy for a moment. He hadn't much time to process how everyone was after the festival, he hadn't quite processed how he felt. Before he could spin himself deeper in a web of deep thought, he heard Nikki greet somebody. His voice was familiar, young. When he turned towards it, he scrunched up his nose which hurt his face a bit, but who he was assuming was Quackity left a bitter taste in his mouth. He wasn't mad at Quackity, not really at all, even though he knows he should be. He just couldn't. When Nikki came back from the door, she helped Tubbo sit up by pulling him lightly by the arm and her other arm ding the same to his back. When tubbo looked up in the air, wincing as the movement seemed to kick his teeth in hard, and the air made the hairs on his arms stick up. 

Nikki sat down in front of him, holding him up with one hand and held a open water bottle with the other. "Ready?" Tubbo nodded, but felt as if somebody was watching them frm the right. He knew who it was but before he could process, he felt his mouth open instinctively as the cold pressure went down his throat. It tingled a bit, but the amount of happiness he felt for a few moments as the water cleared his pains, and he quickly brought his hands to take it from Nikki like some kind of child. He didn't even care in this moment. He'd usually care if water was dripping down chin and onto the bed covers, but he couldn't. It was refreshing. He hadn't had something like this for a hot minute. It only took three minutes for him to finish the whole thing, Nikki was chuckling into her hand. So was somebody else, Quackity who leaned in the door frame.

When Tubbo finished, he felt his motivation and aggravation fall from him and rather he peeled his eyes open to look at Quackity, and fixed his damaging posture. His sides ached, but he was more used to that then the burning sensitivity of his eyes. He opened them and took long heavy blinks, rubbing them with tire hands. "well.. I certainly feel better." He spoke through a few deep breaths, and Nikki chuckled again. He swore he heard Quackity laugh as well, but he couldn't say for certain this time. "I'm glad, Tubbo. I could keep you some more company if you'd like? Soups under its way." Quackity dramatically winced, Nikki and Tubbo both laughing. He looked at them both with somewhat crusty eyes, and paused.

“Actually, can I talk to Quackity?" They both look each other confused, but let it slide anyway with out saying anything possibly rude. "Are you sure?" She asked worried, and he nodded, a little more oblivious to why his answer was awkward. Nikki looked at Quackity a little annoyed, and he shrugged, a bit panicked and confused to what he could've done to let this happen. Nikki however left the room, and passed through the cobblestone hallways.

Tension risen through the airs atmosphere, Quackity sat down where Nikki sat across from Tubbo, a little more space between them though. He felt sort of awkward being around Tubbo, especially without Niki around. He twiddled his thumbs, and looked up from his shoes at Tubbo, who seemed awfully dazed. Tubbo hurt, and his stomach was growling from how hungry he was and how cold yet warm everything felt, but it caused him to be in a drifting state. He stated back at Quackity with a plain face, he scrunched his nose again and looked at him confused. “Why- are you here?” He asked nervously, almost as if he was scared of what he’d respond with. Quackity felt a pang of guilt at his reaction, and he opened his mouth trying to respond but it’d take a long answer. He sighed, and spoke up. “Well, just bare with me for a minute, kid. It’s a bit of a long answer...?” He laughed, fixing the back of his beanie for a second. Tubbo just titled his head curiously, confused by that sort of answer. “I think I’m stuck in a bed for awhile, I have lots of time!” Tubbo replied in a scratchy voice. Quackity stared at the door and the wall, nodding. “Your right, so I guess...” Quackity paused. “After the festival,”

\- 

Nikki had reached the table, she scanned the ingredients Quackity had laid out on it. “Okay, so I think I just need.. the masher, the bowl and I suppose a mixer? I need to boil the broth.. prepare it and shit.” She cursed under ur breath, scanning around, and grabbing the pot. She set the pot over the stove, and she began pouring individual water buckets into it til it was full. “Mm... hm.” She hummed, scratching a match against the stove and lighting a small fire underneath the water so it’ll boil. She began cutting the ingredients, mashing the mushrooms into small bits she’d later scrape into the pot. She worked on the broth, using some herbs and remedies she’d picked up over the years. She wanted to come up with something to sooth Tubbos voice, ease his headaches and his bones. She could see how much pain he was in, and she felt a bit nervous leaving him with Quackity. 

They weren’t exactly on good terms, and Niki was still warming up to having Quackity around. I mean, for fucks sake the man put her through prison, took all of her things, and took away her bakery. Or, supposedly he followed behind the man that let it happen. She didn’t like him still. Silence is complicity. And until he could prove himself rather then spitting excuses or getting in arguments with them, wasting time she could actually get behind his biases.

She realized her mind had wondered off as she heard the sizzling of water bubbling up and pushing over the edge of the stove, burning in its chemical reaction. She gasped. “Oh, shit!” She cursed. blowing the flame with her hand down a bit and stirred the water back down. After a few more minutes, she stirred the soup together with the mushrooms. It’s continents became thicker and left a soft aroma that smelt quite nice, agreeing with herself. She poured the soup into the wooden bowl with the spoon, and blew on it slightly as it was warm enough to burn her hand.

She blew out the light in the furnace, causing her surroundings to dim down. She looked up at the top of the caverns, still faint lights warmly reflecting dulling on the stone walls. It was originally a ravine she was told, before they had fixed it up. This was when they had just been exiled, and everything was a little more hopeful before the festival she had heard Tommy tell her. Her mind wondered where Tommy was? She was sure he was out doing things, he hadn’t been very active around the caverns when he wasn’t visiting Tubbo. He wouldn’t even come for dinner she made sometimes. She remembered when everyone would make food with her together, she’d honestly brown bored of cooking. More so, the same things everyday. 

She realized her thoughts had drifted, and she began to follow away from the furnaces and hooking a right down the hall way to Tubbos room. The wooden bowl burned in her hand, and she yawned slightly realizing how late it was. They were talking, and but it didn’t sound comforting or in any sweet. She rubbed her thumb into the side of the wooden bowl. Was everything going to be okay? She almost felt selfish wishing for things to get over with, tired of fighting but the amount of pain she’d felt over the months just fueled her angry to keep fighting.

She hoped everything was going to be okay.


End file.
